During the teenage years, having a social life can feel very important, especially when someone doubts if their friendships are real. Adolescents' changing bodies often make them feel self-conscious while surging hormones can result in different attitudes, ranging from confidence to insecurity. These experiences are all part of the normal process of discovering one's identity and place in the world. Making friends during this time is a key part of growing up.

Today, parents may find it hard to watch their child go through this period, especially if their child seems to lack real friends. High school is often called “the best years of your life,” we want to ensure they thoroughly enjoy this phase. Social skills training can be a valuable tool in helping teens deal with these complex social dynamics.

However, times have changed a lot since our teenage years. Back then, distractions were few, with no social media, landline phones in common areas, and limited television channels that signed off overnight. Shopping options were limited, reality TV didn't exist, and exposure to propaganda was scarce. Our leisure time was mostly spent with friends we knew as well as—or sometimes even better—our siblings.

Young people today are constantly bombarded with messages around the clock, expected to excel academically, fulfil responsibilities at home, and engage in many extracurricular activities. With limited free time and developing brains, it's no wonder that many struggle with forming relationships. While making friends cannot be forced, parents can help their teens develop healthy relationship skills and create opportunities for meaningful connections through social skills training.

Exploring Qualities of a True Friend

Think about what makes a true friend. Share your past experiences of making friends during your teenage years. Talk about how you handled disagreements and share your feelings towards those friends now. Emphasise the importance of honesty, kindness, and respect in building a solid relationship. Explain the difference between friends and acquaintances and discuss how “best friends” differ from other companions.

Encourage your teenager to think about what makes a friend beyond physical appearances. While looks should not control relationships, they do play a role. People who are warm, smile, and have inviting body language tend to be more approachable and appealing. Try a role-playing scenario where you show yourself with closed-off body language and a stern look—does this make you approachable?

Acknowledge Their Worries

Recognise your teenager's worries about being judged, criticised, and rejected. Acknowledge the real dangers of cyberbullying and cliques that could lead to distressing outcomes. While movies may exaggerate these problems, the feeling of being left out during adolescence is truly scary. Contrary to popular belief, even the "popular" kids feel insecure and fear rejection. Reassure your teenager that insecurity is shared among all adolescents.

Cultivate Active Listening Skills

Often, we focus more on getting ready for our next response during conversations rather than actively listening to the person speaking to us. Learn about active listening techniques and urge your teenager to practice them. Maintain eye contact. Repeat what someone has said. Ask follow-up questions to delve deeper (like "Tell me more?"). Show your attentiveness by bringing up previous conversations to show you remember what was discussed.

For example, tell your child that if their friend mentions an upcoming tough exam, they should ask about how it went afterwards. If someone confides in them about personal struggles or fears, being a supportive friend means checking in to see how they are doing.

Assist Them in Compiling a List of Conversation Starters

Great friendships often start with moments like "You too? I thought I was the only one!" However, starting conversations with strangers can be scary. Open-ended questions are essential. If your teen hesitates to ask personal questions to acquaintances, starting with asking for directions or seeking recommendations on dining places or leisure activities can be an excellent way to break the ice.

Complimenting others' choices (be it in clothing, reading material, or snack selections) can also start conversations (leading to discussions about where to get these items, sharing additional insights or alternatives, or learning more about something new to them). Finding common ground in challenging school subjects, unexpected changes due to weather, or even daylight savings time changes can also be good conversation topics.

Emphasise the Importance of Taking the First Step

Many parents understand the frustration of suggesting to their children to reach out to a friend when feeling bored, only to hear back, "No one does that," because of the friend's busy schedule. I had to remind my kids that if everyone hesitated to start contact for fear of bothering others, then everyone would stay bored at home.

Teens can invite others to study together for a challenging exam. Encourage them to see these invitations not as a bother but as a way to show interest in others, making them feel valued or special. Besides, they never know when a shared experience might come up.

Foster Connections Through Shared Interests

Encourage teenagers to explore activities that match their passions to connect with like-minded peers. Whether joining a club, volunteering for a cause they care about, or trying out new hobbies, shared interests can lead to meaningful friendships. Even if unsure of their interests, suggest exploring different classes or community groups to discover new things that spark their curiosity and potential friendships.

Confronting the Myths of Social Media

Show that social media often portrays a perfect reality, focusing on the best parts of our lives. With the rise of artificial intelligence, it's essential to look at online content critically and be careful about what is shown as true. Talk about the importance of online safety measures and privacy settings, recognising that digital footprints are permanent. Encourage a balance between virtual and face-to-face interactions, emphasising the value of real-life connections alongside online relationships.

Cultivating Genuine Friendships Requires Time and Dedication

While the passage of days might seem never-ending for teenagers, forming deep connections doesn't happen quickly. Building meaningful relationships takes time and effort. Knowing how to start contact and keep relationships can sometimes require parent role-modelling and teaching. The PEERS® programme can also help by providing step-by-step instruction and role-modelling the unwritten social rules.

Interested in getting help for your teen? Contact Strivesocial for more information or try out Session 1: Trading Information via an online video course.