How to respond when a friend hurts you

When friends let us down, it's often unintentional.

Take Emma and Sarah, for example. They were inseparable—best friends since high school. Emma had always been passionate about starting her own café, and Sarah, who loved design, had even helped her sketch out ideas for it. When Emma finally found the perfect spot to open her dream café, she was excited to tell Sarah. But before she had the chance, Sarah casually mentioned that she had signed a lease for her own café just down the road.

Emma was crushed. "We talked about this for years," she thought. "She knew this was my plan, so why didn’t she say anything?"

Hurt and confused, Emma decided to confront Sarah. But the conversation didn’t go the way she’d hoped. Sarah said, "There’s enough room for both of us. If this bothers you, maybe you weren’t as serious about your café as I thought."

Ouch.

On the surface, Sarah's comment might sound reasonable. We’re told that competition can exist within friendships, and that it shouldn’t shake the foundations of those relationships. But Emma didn’t see it that way—she felt betrayed. "If she was really my friend," Emma thought, "she would have talked to me before deciding to go ahead with her own café. Or at least given me a heads-up."

In the end, Emma opened her café. It became a local favorite. But her friendship with Sarah never recovered. "I couldn’t trust her anymore. She didn’t have my back."

So, what can you do when a friend disappoints you?

1. Double-check your perspective.
Sometimes our hurt comes from misunderstanding. Life coach Celestine Chua explains that what we perceive may not be the whole truth—it could just be our interpretation. For example, a friend of hers thought she had broken a promise. But after a conversation, they realized it was simply a difference in perception. Misunderstandings can be cleared up with open communication.

2. Talk to your friend.
This is key. If you’re feeling hurt, don’t let it fester. Sit down with your friend and try to work it out. Many times, issues can be resolved when both parties are honest and open. However, as Emma found out, sometimes the resolution isn’t what you’d hoped for. And that’s okay.

3. Seek a second opinion, but avoid gossip.
If you’re unsure how to approach the situation, talk to someone you trust—someone who won’t stir the pot. Venting to a neutral person can give you fresh insight. But be careful not to turn it into a blame game or involve mutual friends. That only makes things messier.

At the end of the day, friendships can be tricky to navigate. But most of the time, hurt feelings aren’t about betrayal or backstabbing—they’re about miscommunication. Having tough conversations can feel awkward, but they’re often what save relationships in the long run. And sometimes, as hard as it is, letting go of a friend might be the healthiest choice for everyone involved.