The Art of Comebacks

"Why are you always the last one picked for teams? It's like nobody wants you."

"Why are you always so quiet? It's like you have nothing to say."

"Why do you always bring such weird snacks for lunch?"

From innocent curiosity to rude insults, children often blurt out remarks that can be perceived as hurtful or rude. These comments, though sometimes unintentional, can profoundly affect their peers, especially those who are sensitive.

As a social skills coach, I've witnessed how these remarks, stemming from underdeveloped impulse control, can lead to distress among children. It's crucial to distinguish between occasional insensitive comments and bullying, which involves repeated harm and intimidation.

While addressing bullying requires direct intervention, dealing with intermittent thoughtless comments necessitates a different approach. Validating the child's feelings is the first step towards creating a supportive environment. By acknowledging the impact of hurtful remarks, we help children feel understood and validated.

Instead of vilifying the offender, focus on addressing the comment itself. Avoid speculating about the provoker's motives, as empathising with them may not help the child feel seen or understood.

Empowering children to respond independently to unkind judgments is essential. Teaching them effective comebacks can boost their confidence and resilience in handling such situations. Role-playing scenarios with trusted adults allows children to practice assertive responses and gain verbal agility.

Some classic comebacks can work wonders in various situations:

"Why does it matter to you?"

"So what?"

"What's your point?"

"Is that your best shot?"

"What's your deal?"

"Who even says that?"

"I don't critique your choices."

If these responses fail to deter the offender, the targeted child can go on the offence, questioning the motive behind the provoker's remarks.

In rehearsal, these comebacks can play out like this:

Provoker: "That dress makes you look like a tomato—it's so red!"

Child: "Why does my dress bother you?"

Provoker: "It's just weird."

Child: "So what?"

Provoker: "Well, if you want to look like a tomato…"

Child: "I don't comment on your fashion choices."

Child: "Why are you so fixated on red dresses?"

Child: "Never mind, just forget it."

These simple yet effective comebacks empower children to reclaim their agency in social interactions. By standing up for themselves, they shift the power dynamics and deter further harassment.

Even just thinking about these comebacks can provide children with a sense of empowerment. Fighting back, even internally, fosters a feeling of agency and control.

Empowering children with emotional support, validation, and effective comebacks equips them to navigate the inevitable challenges of childhood confidently. With these tools, they can face immature communications with resilience and assertiveness.