Understanding Your Lonely Teen: What They Wish You Knew

Loneliness among teens is a growing concern, with 1 in 4 Australian teenagers reporting feeling lonely most of the time. Here’s what lonely teenagers often wish their parents knew:

1. “I Need You to Listen Without Judging”

Many teens feel misunderstood when they try to express their feelings. For instance, a 15-year-old, Sarah shared, “Every time I tell my mom I’m feeling lonely, she starts lecturing me about being more outgoing. I want her to listen.”

Listening without judgment means creating a safe space where your teen feels comfortable sharing their thoughts and feelings. This can build trust and make them feel valued.

2. “Quality Time Matters”

Spending quality time with your teen can significantly reduce their feelings of loneliness. John, a 17-year-old, said, “I remember the day my dad took me fishing. We didn’t catch much, but it was one of the few times I felt he really cared about spending time with me.”

Engaging in activities your teen enjoys can strengthen your bond and show them that they are a priority in your life.

3. “Please Understand Social Media Stress”

Social media can exacerbate feelings of loneliness. Teens often compare themselves to others online, leading to a sense of inadequacy. Emma, 16, admitted, “Seeing my friends hang out without me on Instagram makes me feel even more alone.”

Parents should be aware of the impact of social media and have open discussions about it. Encourage a healthy balance between online and offline interactions.

4. “I Want Guidance, Not Control”

Teens need guidance to navigate their social lives, but they also need to feel in control of their own decisions. Alex, 14, explained, “My mom tries to control who I hang out with, but it makes me push her away. I wish she would give me advice instead of orders.”

Offer your perspective and share your experiences without dictating their choices. This approach helps teens feel respected and more likely to seek your advice.

5. “Recognise My Efforts”

Lonely teens often struggle with self-esteem. Acknowledging their efforts can make a big difference. For example, Lily, 16, recounted, “I joined the school’s drama club, and even though I was scared, I did it. When my dad praised me for trying something new, it made me feel proud.”

Celebrate their small victories and efforts, which can boost their confidence and reduce feelings of loneliness.

6. “Be Patient With Me”

Teens may not always express their feelings clearly or calmly. Jack, 15, noted, “Sometimes I get angry and lash out, but it’s because I feel so alone. I wish my parents understood that and were more patient with me.”

Patience is key. Understand that your teen’s behaviour might be a cry for help, and respond with compassion rather than frustration.

7. Encourage Social Activities

Encouraging your teen to engage in social activities can help them build connections. For instance, Mia, 17, said, “Joining the soccer team was scary, but my parents encouraged me, and now I have friends I can rely on.”

Help your teen find activities they are interested in and support them in joining groups or clubs.

Understanding and addressing your teen’s feelings of loneliness can be a challenging but rewarding journey. By listening without judgment, spending quality time, understanding the impact of social media, providing guidance, recognising their efforts, being patient, and encouraging social activities, you can help your teen navigate this difficult time and build a stronger, more trusting relationship with them.

If you need more personalised advice, consider contacting a social skills coach who can offer strategies tailored to your teen’s unique situation. Remember, your support and understanding can make a world of difference in your teenager’s life.