What to Do if You're the Target of Rumours and Gossip: A Guide for Teens

Being the subject of rumours and gossip can be incredibly tough, especially as a teenager navigating high school's complex social hierarchies. It's natural to feel hurt, angry, or confused when you discover other students spreading untruths about you behind your back. But try not to lose hope - there are ways to rise above toxic gossip without lowering yourself to its level or letting it define your reputation.

Based on social-emotional learning strategies, here is a guide for responding effectively if you find yourself in the crosshairs of the rumour mill:

1. Resist reacting on impulse no matter how loudly your instincts clamour for confrontation. Your first instinct may be to attack the rumour-mongers, but stewing in anger or lashing out rarely improves matters and risks amplifying gossip's power over your peers' perceptions. Instead, excuse yourself to gather your thoughts until you can respond rationally and control your emotions.

2. Consider ignoring baseless gossip rather than dignifying it with a denial or defence. People gossip for attention and stirring conflict, so depriving their rumours of any emotional fuel or observable impact starves the gossip of its sustenance. The audience will peter out with time as classmates' interests shift elsewhere. Of course, if directly asked, a calm "That's untrue, but I'm not bothered either way" leaves the matter closed.

The high road is often the wisest path. Stay strong and true to yourself - rumours cannot damage your character unless you permit them.

3. Use Effective Comebacks If directly confronted, keep responses concise. Some suitable reactions include: "Who cares?" "Why would anyone believe that?"  Short replies show a lack of interest in pettiness while avoiding escalation.

4. Talk to a Trusted Adult or Friend. You don’t have to deal with gossip alone. Talking to someone you trust can help you process your feelings and get some perspective. Whether it’s a close friend, a parent, or a teacher, having someone to talk to can provide support and help you handle the situation more confidently.

Sometimes, trusted adults can also intervene if the gossip crosses a line into bullying or harassment.

5. Stay True to Yourself: It’s easy to let gossip make you question who you are, but it’s important to stay grounded. Remember, rumours often come from jealousy, misunderstandings, or people who are unhappy with themselves. What others say about you doesn’t define you—your actions and how you treat others do.

If the gossip is entirely false, remind yourself that the truth will always matter more in the long run.

6. When Gossip Turns Into Bullying

Gossip can sometimes cross the line into bullying, especially if it becomes persistent or is spread online. If you feel like the gossip is becoming more serious, don’t hesitate to contact a trusted adult for help. You have the right to feel safe and supported at school and in your social life.

Dealing with gossip and rumours can be challenging, but it’s important to remember that you’re not alone, and it doesn’t have to define your social life. You can navigate these difficult situations confidently and maturely by staying calm, avoiding emotional reactions, and seeking support.

And remember, gossip says more about the person spreading it than it does about you!

If you’re struggling with social situations like this, the PEERS program offers practical tools to help you manage them. Feel free to reach out to us for guidance and support.